How do I keep my temper cool around my argumentative son?

"My teenage son has recently developed habit of arguing over even small matter and is driving me mad. How do I handle this?"

As children grow older, they start testing, finding faults in elders, even in their parents and teachers. As a result they start arguing, questioning. And sometimes even enjoy seeing their parents lose temper. The best way to handle the situation is this 3 step formula:

• Remain calm, speak less and in low voice. This gives you control over the situation.
• When your son starts to argue, simply tell clearly why a certain thing should or should not be done.
• Then give corrective punishments

How can I make sure my son is eating healthy foods?

Good question. While it is not possible to control what our children eat everyday, but we can encourage them to eat healthy foods as much as possible with these tricks:

1. Cook healthy at home. Whether it's breakfast, lunch or dinner at home, try to include nutritious vegetable, sprouts, whole grains, legumes, and nuts in your cooking.

2. Throw out chocolates, sweets and other fatty snacks from your refrigerator and fill it with plenty of fruits, vegetables and healthy snacks. Children usually prefer to eat junk foods like pizza, burger and even ice cream, chocolate while eating out. That's okay. Because occasionally eating such diet is acceptable. However, we can restrict the junk food and drinks by not stocking them at home. Also keep fresh fruits on dining table. When only healthy snacks are available at home, your son will be forced to eat them when he is hungry.

3. Talk with your son about the importance of eating healthy food. Children learn best from example. So if there is a favourite relative, friend or even favourite movie star of your son who eats healthy food, you can quote them as an example to emphasize importance of healthy diet

4. Set personal example. Eat healthy foods in front of your son. Then gradually, he will also follow you.

My 10 year old son doesn’t keep his room neat

Your son will be okay. All children are genius material. Especially the ones who remains in their own world. You become his friend instead of his master. Also most of the children go through such phases.

Just stop talking about his mistakes and deficiencies. Instead use even a tiny opportunity to praise his good actions, attitudes and achievements. Ask his help in your work. Ask his opinion and views about various issues that need decisions.

Here the purpose of such asking is to treat him as an important person instead of treating him as a careless and disobedient child. This treatment makes him feel important.

When he feels important, he will like you. When he likes you, there will be more chance of him obeying your instructions to keep his room neat.

At the same time, simply start arranging things neatly and happily, in his room, in his presence, without making any comments on his failure to do so.

After doing so just look at him and say ‘now your room looks great.’ Then offer yourself to play with him or do anything together that you both enjoy.

Keep doing above things till he sees and feels the joy of keeping things neat. These little things can be part of daily routines and may be of very short duration, may be of few minutes only.

Your praise, your cool manner will influence him to follow your actions to greater extent.

Never criticize your son as “lazy” “never does any work” etc. in front of others, while your son is present. This is a major mistake many parents make. Then children become more adamant.

Instead, if your son has done even 1 work out of 5 which you had told him, then use it as an excuse to praise your son in front of others. Say, “My son is good. Yesterday, he did….” Such kind of praises motivate children to do their work.

Also to instill discipline, prepare a timetable which should include all the activities—viewing TV, story telling, playing outside, word-games, narrating experiences of school, and home work too.

See that home work is not at the beginning of the timetable but preferably in the middle. Sandwiched between two pleasant sets of actions!

Follow this timetable religiously, especially pleasant activities.

Such type of timetable is easy to follow, as no child will refuse to get involved in a pleasure giving activity.

Once your son completes an enjoyable activity you can ask him to finish the next item of the timetable—may be homework, while asking him to do homework, tell him that once he completes homework we can start playing or (he can go out and play with friends).

Check and take steps, again tactfully, to make your son eat enough good food so that he gets all essential nutrients to be energetic to do things cheerfully and his brain to remember things well.

Physical activities, like playing, help your son to get his blood oxygenated at optimum level which is helpful in being energetic and also in having a strong memory.

Hope you have understood the line of approach you need to follow to stimulate your son to become a responsible person.

All said and done, parents should remember that children do not view this world and the daily chores as seriously as we do. Hence they tend to ignore it.

I have observed that usually children do their work, without being told, only after they cross the age of 20! Until then, parents should keep their cool and do their best to discipline their children.

My Daughter Fights With Her Brothers

Though it’s natural for siblings to fight or argue with each other as they grow together, it can become troublesome if things get out of control.
To solve your daughter’s problem, you need to find out why she fights with her brothers first.

Children usually fight with their sisters or brothers due to these main reasons:

1. Children want to attract attention either of their parent or brother/sister hence they start a fight.
What you can do: Make sure you give equal attention and love to every children. Sometimes parents are quick in praising one child and slow with other. Whether kids are younger or older, they all are hungry for parent's approval. Be generous with it.

To strengthen relation between your kids, create situations where they can enjoy and have fun together. Example, take them to park or zoos. Encourage them to paint or do other hobby activity together.

2. Children are bored, weak or hungry.
What you can do: To prevent your child from getting bored, plan her schedule so that she is busy with studies, play, household chores or hobby activities. Feed your child healthy, balanced diet to prevent her from feeling tired, weak or hungry.

Observe if there is specific time in a day or situation which triggers your daughter’s fight. Try to avoid that situation or engage her in playful or some interesting activity during that time.

3. Children feel that parent is favouring brother or sister more
What you can do: Avoid comparing your kids with each other. Also discourage competition between them. Parents usually encourage competition and rivalry among kids by saying “who will be quick” or “who will be first.”

When children fight, don’t get dragged into fight and don’t take sides. Ask your children to first calm down. Give everyone a chance to tell what happened without interruption. Then taking everything into consideration you decide what action has to be taken.

Children always want fair settlement when there is fight. Explain to your daughter that sometimes she has to compromise and adjust depending on the situation.

How Can I Stop My Kids From Watching Too Much TV? Part-2

Hi,welcome back

In the last post we discussed about number one method to prevent excessive TV watching by kids: Restrict children's free time.

Now, let's discuss remaining 3 methods to stop children from watching too much TV:
2. Limit TV watching to favorite programs only
3. Educate children about the advantages and disadvantages of TV
4. Use praises and bribes.

2. Limit TV watching to favorite programs only
Child experts say that it's okay to view 1-2 hours of TV daily. So ask your children to select their favorite programs and watch them only. This will satisfy their TV watching interest without overdoing it.

3. Educate children about the advantage and disadvantage of TV:
Children should be made aware of the benefits and disadvantages of TV.
TV provides us with latest news and educational programs to improve our life. But TV can also become the biggest stealer of our time, health and well being. Research shows that children who watch too much TV tend to perform poorly in studies. This might lead to problems in finding good jobs later in future.

Another research shows children who watch excess TV and spend little time on physical activities tend to be dull and unfit. Now which kid would like to be called dull and unfit?

4. Use praises and bribes:
Parents are usually quick to criticize and slow to praise. Be quick in praising your children when they follow your advice and behave correctly. Young children can be praised directly. But in case of teenage kids, praise them indirectly. For example, narrate to your friend or relative on phone or in person about how your son or daughter is watching less TV and spending more time on meaningful activity. Make sure your children are within earshot when you praise them so that they can also listen in and gloat!